A Moon Filled Birthday

 For the first time since living here (which is going on six years) Joab's birthday is on Mid-Autumn Festival! Also know as the moon cake holiday. When the moon is full and you give moon cakes to all your friends. We had planned on having a party here- but Salome woke up with the stomach flu, but was much better by the time we had cake tonight!

 We played a game and listened to the song "Puff the Magic Dragon" since Joab is the year of the dragon, and this year in China is the year of the dragon! Kind of a big deal here when it is 'your year'.

 Moon cakes to me (Em) taste pretty gross. But my kids love and I mean LOVE them. Here they are eating some red bean paste ones. Asa could down about four-six of the small ones in one day! Good thing they are really cheap here!!

 My moon belly. 36 weeks. Overall feeling pretty good. But the baby can feel free to come out anytime!!!

As you can see a moon cake did look a bit like the moon tonight!

The Funk

Our children have probably- too many nicknames. We actually think of their nicknames before they are born!
But this nickname for Asa started when he was really little.
Doodle Funkyness
Now it is usually shortened to Doodle or just Funk.
And WOW- he is such a Funk.

Here are two stories from the last two weeks:

Joab has been out of town (that would be a whole other blog post....it has been hard) and the kids and I have been sick with colds. One night Asa crawled into bed with me- we both did not feel good and I did not have energy to fight him on this one (note - when Daddy is around the kids do not sleep with us).

All night Asa smacked and sucked on his thumb! I was shocked! I thought he had given up that practice about two years ago! When I asked him the next day about- he admitted it.

My friend here has the really nasty tasting fingernail polish to prevent thumb sucking. I have never used this before- but decided for my almost seven year old Funk- it was time.

As I applied it I told him not to taste it (which he then did ASAP) he learned really quickly that it was
HORRIBLE. That was Sunday night. And Monday he was off to school.

Monday afternoon he comes home saying school was the "most horriblest day" ever. Turns out he somehow got his thumb wet and then licked his thumb and then drank his water bottle. The water bottle then took on the flavor of the nail polish. Then from his lips he got his chopsticks to taste like the polish and then his food.....all got the taste. The poor Funk could not even eat his lunch as the whole thing (including water) tasted like the polish.

I did not know to laugh or cry. Only our Funk could somehow get the polish taste EVERYWHERE. I used nail polish remover to get most of the remaining polish off his nails...and gave him a big snack.

I did tell him if I hear him sucking on his thumb again I will apply the polish! His big eyes got even bigger and I think it computed - DO NOT SUCK your thumb!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Today I got a call from the nurse's office at Asa's school. Asa said he was writing and his hand started to hurt. I asked if his hand was hurt, broken, sprained etc. No, he was just writing and it hurt. Therefore Asa concluded he needed to be brought home.

I talked to the nurse and we agreed that a writing injury did not mean he needed to miss school.

I assured Asa that these 'writing pains' are normal and he will get more and more used to writing and then it will start to feel better.

Again, I wanted to laugh and cry. Laugh that he really thought he was injured. Cry that school is hard.

He came home happy and I was relieved. He is indeed my Funk.               

Mrs. Wang- an update

Today I arrived fifteen minutes early to pick up Miriam. It was pouring rain outside- which always makes pick up fun on the bike! I was just groaning that I had to stand outside in the rain. That was until I felt an arm around me. It was Mrs. Wang telling me hello and wanting to share my umbrella. I was so thankful to see her!

 Because a whole group of Grandmas were discussing me, my belly, our family ect. I could feel the anger that (again) they will not talk to me about these things. When dear Mrs. Wang put her arm over my shoulder. It was like God was saying- stop being angry and just talk to your friend!

"Raining a lot today" I said
"Yes, and I need an umbrella" Mrs. Wang said

Silence....

"So you don't have to pay a fine then." She said to me followed by,
"Will you find out if it is a boy or a girl?"

"No, will not find out -and some hospitals will not tell you the sex at all they are scared you will not want the baby."
(abortions for the 'wrong' sex of baby are very common here and so most hospitals now have rules banning telling you what sex the baby will be) I replied back to her.

"Having three kids is really unheard of in my hometown (Mrs. Wang is not from Shanghai but a nearby city)" she said.

"But even to have two kids you have to pay 50, 000 Yuan (or almost $8,000). If you have three there is no chance for them to have a Hukou" (this is kind of like a Social Security Number- it allows you to be know as a citizen)

Mrs. Wang has two kids- two boys actually. She did not divulge if she had to pay that fine. But she did tell me people sell their homes sometimes so they can pay this fee.

More silence. More rain. Then the gates open.

Mrs. Wang puts her arm around my very pregnant waist and we walk in together under the same umbrella to Miriam's school. My mind if racing with the simple fact that I could have as many children as I want, in any country I want, anytime I want and probably never sell a house, bribe an official or really sacrifice much. And here stands Mrs. Wang who probably gave up more than I will ever know to have a second son and not abort him. In the silence, in the rain as we walked into school together I felt sad for China- but happy for her friendly arm around me in a very strange place like- China.

Mrs, Wang

Hi blog faithful. Sorry there have not been a lot of posts as of late. Blame me- it is hard to find time!

But something happened this week I wanted to record and you all get to read!

As most of you know Miriam attends a local elementary school. The first year at the school was mostly dealing with peoples comments there that a “foreigner” (and yes, they call that name to your face here) attended their school. Most of first grade I fielded daily questions such as…why are you here?....why did you leave America?....is your husband Chinese?....why don’t you have a car?....ect. It was your basic run of the mill- “what in the world is foreigner doing at our school” kind of line of questioning.

Second grade brought with it silence and much local dialect being said about me while I stood there and watched them talk about me. Most people knew the basics about us, so others would share when I walked up. A few brave Moms (but mostly Grandmas) would translate what they were saying into Chinese (from Shanghaiese) so I could know if the facts about me were true! Most people as we waited for our kids to be let off from school (no school bus you pick the kids up on bikes) just stared, some smiles, some blew smoke in my face ( from the cheap
Chinese cigarettes they smoke) but a few friends started to emerge from the smoke. Mostly Moms who knew I needed (a lot) of help to navigate the waters that is Chinese local School. My good friends consist of : Cindy ,Pear Grandma and Mrs. Wang. Cindy rides the bus one hour each way to take her daughter to and from school. She really cares about her daughter- Megan and really is a great friend to me. Pear Grandma thinks when Miraim is sick she should just eat more pears (well, steamed pears actually- she goes into much detail on how to steam them), she scolds me for giving her peanut butter as a snack and in general is really good at telling me what to do. But she helps with the Shanghaiese into Chinese- which I need a lot. She also has great hair- but that is a side note. Lastly, is Mrs. Wang- who loves to wear short shorts, even in the winter. She is my neighbor and helps me sometimes pick up Miriam when I can not.

This year at school, our third, I tried something new. In China you state the obvious when you meet someone. You do not ask “how are you” but instead:…have you eaten….where are you going/where did you go….you look fat…you look skinny…how much did you pay for your bike….etc. Asking these very direct questions feel like nails on a chalkboard sometimes to me. And so, for grade 1 and grade 2 did not ask these questions to my above named friends. I usually waited for them to ask me, or asked- “recently, how have you been”. Cindy would respond well to that one. I never had to say anything to Pear Grandma- as she was also quick to judge something I was already doing! Mrs. Wang has been a tougher nut to crack. Often she is quiet or in a hurry.

But on Tuesday we walked in together . So I asked her “so, have you been busy lately?” she responded with a kind of strange look (at this point I was thinking maybe I should of gone with the “  you look skinny”) and said “no”. So changing to her son, I asked how he was. She responded with “he is at school” and then in the same breath looked at my fast expanded belly and asked me “so, how much fine will you pay”.

Pause here- in the land of one child policy having more than one kid is a big deal. I get daily DAILY did I mention DAILY lectures about the one child policy from perfect strangers on the elevator, when I buy fruit, when I go out period. In addition you can actually have more than one child here if you pay a fine. This is not a fixed amount. It is determined on who you know in the government, and where you live in China. I have heard most fines are 10,000-100,000 yuan. So a big range!

Back to Mrs. Wang. My heart just dropped when she said this to me about the fines. I guess I thought she would not have to lecture me. Or that, she would even me happy for me? (note- no one I meet at school has said they are happy for me. Or congratulations on the new baby. Most gasp , look in horror and ask why would I do this. When I told Cindy I was pregnant again, she asked if I really wanted to be or not.)

When I said no, we do not pay a fine for more babies. She kind of glared at me and said “yeah, you are from America” and walked away. So then I wonder is she mad that I don’t have to pay a fine? Or what? All week this has made me upset.

But then today when I was talking about it with some good friends who have lived here a long time I was given some insights. Mrs. Wang was just talking to me like she would talk to a friend. Very directly, very honest and with no holds barred. I started to think instead of being hurt by her I instead should be honored she would ask such a direct question.

So, that was my culture/language lesson for the week. Direct communication is hard. Direct communication is even harder when Chinese people do it back at you. And don’t look to them for any kind of validation about your life!

Fun Spring

Spring has finally come to Shanghai! We are thankful!!!
 
Been having a really hard time loading pictures on this blog site.
 
So now trying to email them to the site. We will see if this works!

Third vs. First Tone

I am not a big fan of birthday parties. I am not a big fan of Chinese tones.
Both of these things got me into trouble today.

"Mom, I forgot to stop and buy a gan en kai pian after school!" Miriam said to me in tears as soon as we got home from school today.

"Honey, you know how I feel about going back out once we are back home." I said back (not very nicely to be honest) as we pulled the electric bike into the elevator at our apartment.

"Mommy, I need a gan en kai pian TODAY." Miriam said

So, I dropped her off, and headed back on my electric bike to the small stationary story next to the school.

The whole way there I kept going over in my mind what in the world a gan en kai pian was. I know gan= means to dry and kai pian = a card. So I just assumed it was some type of art supply for a craft she needed to do at home but bring to school the next day.

I parked my bike next to the bookstore and headed inside. The nice lady knew exactly what I needed once I said- I need the gan en kai pian for the third graders. She pointed me to a
collection of greeting cards. And then it hit me, gan third tone, not gan first
tone . Gan third with en= thankful. Gan first= dried. Miriam needs a thank you
card. (which we have A TON of at home!!!).

I asked the nice lady why in the world do the third graders need a thank you note?"

She needs to write you a thank you note for all the work you have done to get her to her tenth
year. Oh, and you need to write her a card for her birthday."

Suddently it all made sense. The tenth birthday party thing. Miriam had told me about this- but I had totally tuned it out as something I did not need to bother with. She had told me that her entire class would be "celebrating" turning ten this next week. Now, you might remember Miriam just turned nine, so why in the world are we thinking about ten? That is because in Shanghai you are born at age one. So really Miriam (and most of her class) are really ten.

So, Miriam will write me a card (in Chinese) telling me about how great a sacrifice I have made
to keep her all these ten years. And then I in turn will write her a card (Miriam says Enlish is fine for me) about how great a girl she is at age ten. And thus, her tenth Birthday will be celebrated.

So, I zoomed home and when I gave her the thank you cards I said to her "Miriam gan en kai pian is a thank you note!"Miriam replied with "Yes, Mom, I knew that!"

More tales from vacation- Burma

A lady I met at the end of our trip said this to me:

" Wow, you spent a lot of time in Thailand you must of seen some animals or gone to the zoo?"
"No," I responded. "We took the kids to Burma".

And we did! We took about an hour drive from the first hotel we stayed at and ended up in Mae Sai, Thailand. Here you are able to pay some money and walk into Burma. So we did that one day.

Above is one of many Buddhist Temples we saw.

Once we crossed the border Joab and I quickly learned there was not much to do for kids! So this nice store took us in. Gave the kids snacks, juice and could speak Chinese so helped us find a driver to drive us to some of the main sites in the town (you can walk into this Burma town but can not leave the town without a visa).

Their very funky green chairs at the computer place.

Us at the border - Asa is not thrilled. Overall, it was not as fun or easy to get to as a zoo. But it was fun to show the kids another country and culture. Joab Meyer loves a good adventure and in the end we all did too.