Salome's Birth Adventure

***Note this contains a birth story! If you do not like blood etc. do not read*****

So, some of your know the story of how Salome was born. I have never posted this story because, well, it is kind of crazy.

We had picked out the hospital with Salome under the impression (and paid a VIP fee) to have a private room with Joab there. However, they lied to us and did not provide that. We learned later if we would of paid a bribe things probably would of been different. But we do not pay bribes and in the end Salome was healthy, I was fine and can actually laugh about it now.

I am thankful we are giving birth at a new hospital for #4. Paying a lot more, but in the end I think it will be private and Joab will be there!

________________________________________________________________________________




 Salome Grace Elaine

December 23, 2009 Shanghai China

 Birth Adventure

> > Salome’s whole pregnancy taught me so very much. I treasure those days- and
> > really thank God for a wonderful pregnancy. I was able to get through: the
> > few weeks of bleeding, Miriam’s pneumonia hospitalization, more days of
> > bleeding after that, food poisoning, climbing the Great Wall and a quick
> > trip to America! WOW! We did a lot and God’s peace was always close to my
> > heart- that is one reason we named her Salome it is Greek for- Peace.
> >
> >
> >
> > About midnight on December 23, 2009 I was in bed and rolled over to feel a
> > huge rush of water leave me. I looked at Joab who said “I think your water
> > just broke”. I was not sure, so I got up and went to the bathroom watching a
> > trail of water follow me the whole time. I spent a while in the shower
> > trying to relax through the first of the contractions.
> >
> >
> >
> > I got out of the tub to blow dry my hair and more and more water is coming
> > out! Yikes I had no idea how much water is in there (with my other two kids they had to break >>my water)! As I dried off I was
> > trying to come to terms that this baby was coming! Soon!
> >
> >
> >
> > After my shower Joab told me he thought we should head over to the hospital.
> > As we were not sure of the registration process and perhaps- just maybe we
> > could secure a VIP room. I had been told a month before that all the VIP rooms
> >were going to be under remodling so they would not be sure where I would give birth.
> >This, has caused me a lot of stress! As the "local" option to birth- was well, not
>>my first choice.
> >
> > Funny what you pray for. My whole pregnancy I had prayed for the taxi driver
> > who would take us to the hospital. So when Joab called for a cab I was
> > pretty amazed at who God gave us. One of the calmness, nicest taxi drivers
> > in Shanghai! He knew I was in labor but did not speed through the stop
> > lights- but drove fast but dropping me off right at the ER door. As Joab
> > checked me in I was starting to have to stop and really breathe through my
> > contractions. We checked in at the ER but had to take the elevator to the
> > third floor to labor there. At the door to the Labor unit Joab was not
> > allowed to come in before he put on this very uncomfortable plastic
> > disposable gown and strange looking blue plastic chefs hat! We get into the
> > labor room and the reality of what I am about to do hits me. As I am sharing
> > this room with two other Chinese women. But I don’t have long to think about
> > this because my contractions are coming hard and fast. I had to kneel on all
> > fours on this little tiny bed and rock back and forth to keep the pain under
> > control. They decide they need to “check me” which means they want to check
> > me WHILE I am having a contraction! What! I have never heard of this! On top
> > of that when they check you they put this really strange looking brown goop
> > (think poop) which is suppose to prevent infection. I have no choice, and
> > let them check me- which hurts like crazy. They announce I am at a ZERO and
> > the baby is high- so I can not walk around in fact they just want me to lay
> > on my back.
> >
> >
> >
> > Forget the laying on my back I am having such intense back labor I can
> > barely talk. Speaking of talking, Joab and I decided that I would not speak
> > any Chinese at the hospital so that it would make them think even more that
> > I needed him to stay with me. At this point I am not speaking much English
> > let alone Chinese.
> >
> >
> >
> > We get to the hospital about 1 AM- at 3AM they “check” me again and I am
> > only at a three. But again, contractions about three minutes a part with
> > basically no breaks for me to catch my breath or even talk to Joab about our
> > options. Here my memory gets a bit unclear. Time starts to stand still and I
> > can’t really think about much except the extreme pain this baby is causing
> > me. With both Mei and Asa I labored a lot in water the hot water directly on
> > my lower back really helped the pain. Now, I had no water, no privacy and
> > pretty soon no husband to help me. I was feeling desperate, scared and
> > alone. I knew I needed to “get it together” if this baby was going to come
> > out. But honestly, I did not think I could do this alone and was asking Joab
> > to give me drugs. In fact the lady on the other side of the curtain said to
> > me in English “I think you need some drugs for the pain”. I said back to her
> > “Do you have drugs? Can I have some of yours”? She said nothing back to me
> > and then they announced it was time for me to go down one floor to the
> > delivery room….and Joab could not come with.
> >
> >
> >
> > Joab really tried- bless his heart. He tried to talk to anyone in power to
> > get him into the delivery room. But in the end (I was at 5 cm) they put me
> > on a different metal bed and rolled me down the hall, through the waiting
> > room (cue all the Chinese starring at me) and down one floor by elevator. My
> > last words to Joab were- “If I die please get remarried”. Joab assured me I
> > was not going to die- but it sure felt like it. At this point I was
> > screaming- and trying to not lay on my back while getting wheeled down the
> > hallway. I am sure I was a sight to be seen!
> >
> >
> >
> > I was wheeled into the group delivery room. Think a room about 40 feet by 40
> > feet with three metal beds, three mid wives, three nurses and one cleaning
> > lady. The other two Chinese ladies in there were in the middle of giving
> > birth when I came in. There were no curtains- it was like walking into a TLC
> > birthing show LIVE! At this point I really do not care that other people are
> > with me. I want DRUGS I want JOAB. I was screaming- screaming at them-
> > screaming at myself- I was loosing it.
> >
> >
> >
> > The midwife’s job is to catch the baby (note- this is not like the earthy
> > midwives who love natural birth like in the USA). They do not help you with
> > breathing or positions. They want the baby to come out their way and their
> > timing. The first thing the Midwife does is take me feet and put them into
> > stirrups- I started to scream louder and plead with her to NOT do this. With
> > the amount of back labor I was having I could not have more pressure on my
> > back. In my anger I kick off the stirrup from the bed. So the midwife looks
> > at me and tells me to just breathe. Just breathe! Right. So then she gives
> > me the “puffer”. She could have given my cocaine and I would have probably
> > taken it. As last time them checked my 15 min ago I was 5 and now I am a 9
> > or 10 they tell me. She puts her hand up me and touches the babies head. She
> > tells me take the “puffer” and then start pushing. Well, the puffer must
> > have been some type of laughing gas? Not sure- it was two huge tanks of gas
> > and one gas mask that were made of a little Chinese mouth. I had a hard time
> > just figuring out how to breathe in it. Not sure if it was the fact I was
> > thinking more about the “puffer” and less about my back labor or that the
> > puffer actually worked- but somehow I got to 10 cm!
> >
> >
> >
> > They put my legs back in the stirrups. Actually the bed they had me on was
> > not wide enough for my hips and my legs to be on there together. I just
> > resigned myself that their plan was the stirrups and my plan was a baby. So
> > I guess I needed to do it their way. In fact I did think about just getting
> > up and leaving- but since the baby was basically falling out of me- decided
> > against this. The midwife also told me to grip on to these metal handles
> > which somehow were attached to the stirrups. I kind of felt like I was in a
> > space ship in a very awkward position holding on to metal bar that was going
> > to get me no where!
> >
> >
> >
> > My dear friend Laura reminded me the week before not to push until I felt
> > like it. I took this to heart and actually waited (screaming through the
> > pain of the back labor while my legs are in stirrups while holding on to the
> > metal bar) until I felt the urge to push. Which was kind of the diamond in
> > the rough- with Asa the midwife  basically forced me to push
> > before I was ready- and I always regretted that. So with Salome I waited and
> > it went a lot better. It took maybe five minutes and she was born. They told
> > me to slow down after her head came out- which was really hard to do! But
> > she came out- they said (in Chinese) you have a girl! And then they took her
> > vagina and basically shoved it into my face! Because they thought I did not
> > speak Chinese- I guess they wanted me to know for sure!
> >
> >
> >
> > They took Salome away to the other side of the room (I could see her the
> > whole time) and then proceeded to get the placenta out. The midwife did not
> > want me to push the placenta out- she said it would come out on its own.
> > Perhaps in a safer spot when I could actually hold my baby it would come out
> > on its own! But I wanted that baby- so I just said forget it and pushed it
> > out! Placenta was a-okay and they asked me for the third time if I wanted it
> > boxed up and taken home. No thanks but can I have my baby?! At this point I
> > start speaking Chinese and all in the room are shocked I can speak it! I
> > said – when I am not pushing a baby out I can speak Chinese- they laughed.
> >
> >
> >
> > So baby out- time for me to eat?! They give me a Chinese dumpling thing, a
> > bowl of rice porridge and a hard boiled egg. I am covered in goop and now I
> > want to eat? No thanks.
> >
> >
> >
> > At this point they bring out the tea pot. Not filled with tea but some type
> > of Chinese medicine mixture which they pour all over my birth canal and
> > area. It actually felt pretty good- then she took this Q-tip style thing and
> > started to “clean me out”. At this point I lay back down (I can only see
> > Salome if I am sitting up) and just try to relax and eat my dumpling! I was
> > actually hungry and it tasted really good!
> >
> >
> >
> > I keep asking if I can hold Salome and when can I get out of here and see
> > Joab? They inform me that I need to wait two hours in this room before I can
> > see Joab. Two hours!!!!!!! Yikes.
> >
> >
> >
> > They then take a small plastic pan to “catch” all the blood coming out of
> > me. They want to see a certain amount and keep on checking me (and kneading
> > my uterus- it really hurt). About 45 after giving birth they give me Salome!
> > She is wrapped in this paper towel looking thing- naked except for a diaper
> > (which they had to go back to the waiting room and get from Joab)
>> and she has had no bath! They then tell me I
> > need to nurse her the whole two hours while I wait to “recover”. At this
> > point I had totally resigned myself to whatever they asked of me- because
> > they let me see Salome. She was so pretty! And with red hair! Miriam is
> > going to be sooo happy!
> >
> >
> >
> > So Salome and I nursed – ate some more Chinese dumplings both of us half
> > naked on this horrible small plastic bed alone without Joab. However, we did
> > enjoy watching all the other babies being born around us while we waited
> > those two hours. I love the TLC birthing shows and I was in a live one!
> > Amazing the gift of birth!
> >
> >
> >
> > After about 1 ½ hours they took Salome from me (I thought for her bath) and
> > put some clothes on her. By this time I was READY to see Joab, get out of
> > the TLC birthing show and take a shower! I asked if we could be moved into a
> > VIP recovery room- to which the midwife said all the VIP rooms were full and
> > I needed to go into group recovery. FINE I thought- just get me out of here!
> >
> >
> >
> > So a super long 30 minutes past when finally they got another metal cart for
> > me and a smaller one for Salome. They put a new fresh gown on me and wheeled
> > us down the hall to finally see Joab! Joab met us at the door and I think
> > was pretty happy to see me alive. I was pretty happy to see he had not remarried!!
> >
> >
> >
> > We got wheeled up to the group recovery room- I was in the middle bed
> > separated by curtains from one woman on my right who just had a c-section
> > (did not look fun) and a woman on my left who had given birth a few days
> > before hand. Thankfully when I got into the room the head Doctor was making
> > rounds. She told us we could leave basically when we wanted to. Next to
> > having Salome this was the best present I got at Christmas! So as soon as
> > they could process the Birth Certificate Salome, Joab and I were out of
> > there!
> >
> >
> >
> > Born at 5:45 AM- left hospital at 3:00 PM on December, 23 2009.

Thoughts on a Fourth

People (this would be non Chinese people) ask me "so, how do you feel about having a fourth kid?". I really do not know what to say.

 Excited, blessed, nervous, tired, calm, all at the same time?

How do I feel when Asa asks if Silas (he only calls the baby Silas- he is 100% it is a boy) needs a plate at dinner? How do I feel when Salome whines when anything besides her cuteness sits on my lap? How do I feel when Miriam says, "Mom, how in the world are you going to have time to do it all when the baby comes?"(and that is Miriam direct and to the point!)

When Joab and I saw kids in our family we always saw four. Well, that is not true. When we were dating we took this "marriage test" to see if we were compatible. One of the questions was - how many kids do you want to have? I looked at the answer, scared that if we did not have the right answer we would "fail". I actually went over to Joab to try and sneak what he put (he did not let me see). He put four kids...and I put two kids. In the end we did not fail, actually the person who administered the test said we scored higher than most for compatibility!

So here we are on the brink of four kids. My house is probably going to get a bit crazier (sorry Miriam). But in most ways I feel like our family will finally be "complete". And that is the best feeling of all.

Asa's 7th Birthday

It is hard to believe, but 7 years ago Asa David Lawrence Meyer made his debut and today we celebrated his 7th birthday!

Asa loves to create almost anything - including his own birthday cake.  I don't know which he liked more - helping Emily make the cake or licking the batter!

One of Asa's birthday requests was to go to the Shanghai Zoo with his good friend Elijiah Bowman.  Here are Elijiah and Asa under the green archway of an Elephant sculpture.  The weather was gorgeous today - a rare blue sky day!

The coming arrival of the fourth Meyer means that Emily has consolidated the birthday celebrations.  As a result, Asa and Miriam celebrated the birthdays together.  Here they are enjoying their birthday treats with our good friends the Bowmans.  What a joy to see them enjoying their own creations as Asa not only made his choclate cake, but Miriam made her cherry pie as well.

Happy Birthday, Asa!  We are so thankful that seven years ago the Lord gave you to us!  We love you!

A Moon Filled Birthday

 For the first time since living here (which is going on six years) Joab's birthday is on Mid-Autumn Festival! Also know as the moon cake holiday. When the moon is full and you give moon cakes to all your friends. We had planned on having a party here- but Salome woke up with the stomach flu, but was much better by the time we had cake tonight!

 We played a game and listened to the song "Puff the Magic Dragon" since Joab is the year of the dragon, and this year in China is the year of the dragon! Kind of a big deal here when it is 'your year'.

 Moon cakes to me (Em) taste pretty gross. But my kids love and I mean LOVE them. Here they are eating some red bean paste ones. Asa could down about four-six of the small ones in one day! Good thing they are really cheap here!!

 My moon belly. 36 weeks. Overall feeling pretty good. But the baby can feel free to come out anytime!!!

As you can see a moon cake did look a bit like the moon tonight!

The Funk

Our children have probably- too many nicknames. We actually think of their nicknames before they are born!
But this nickname for Asa started when he was really little.
Doodle Funkyness
Now it is usually shortened to Doodle or just Funk.
And WOW- he is such a Funk.

Here are two stories from the last two weeks:

Joab has been out of town (that would be a whole other blog post....it has been hard) and the kids and I have been sick with colds. One night Asa crawled into bed with me- we both did not feel good and I did not have energy to fight him on this one (note - when Daddy is around the kids do not sleep with us).

All night Asa smacked and sucked on his thumb! I was shocked! I thought he had given up that practice about two years ago! When I asked him the next day about- he admitted it.

My friend here has the really nasty tasting fingernail polish to prevent thumb sucking. I have never used this before- but decided for my almost seven year old Funk- it was time.

As I applied it I told him not to taste it (which he then did ASAP) he learned really quickly that it was
HORRIBLE. That was Sunday night. And Monday he was off to school.

Monday afternoon he comes home saying school was the "most horriblest day" ever. Turns out he somehow got his thumb wet and then licked his thumb and then drank his water bottle. The water bottle then took on the flavor of the nail polish. Then from his lips he got his chopsticks to taste like the polish and then his food.....all got the taste. The poor Funk could not even eat his lunch as the whole thing (including water) tasted like the polish.

I did not know to laugh or cry. Only our Funk could somehow get the polish taste EVERYWHERE. I used nail polish remover to get most of the remaining polish off his nails...and gave him a big snack.

I did tell him if I hear him sucking on his thumb again I will apply the polish! His big eyes got even bigger and I think it computed - DO NOT SUCK your thumb!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Today I got a call from the nurse's office at Asa's school. Asa said he was writing and his hand started to hurt. I asked if his hand was hurt, broken, sprained etc. No, he was just writing and it hurt. Therefore Asa concluded he needed to be brought home.

I talked to the nurse and we agreed that a writing injury did not mean he needed to miss school.

I assured Asa that these 'writing pains' are normal and he will get more and more used to writing and then it will start to feel better.

Again, I wanted to laugh and cry. Laugh that he really thought he was injured. Cry that school is hard.

He came home happy and I was relieved. He is indeed my Funk.               

Mrs. Wang- an update

Today I arrived fifteen minutes early to pick up Miriam. It was pouring rain outside- which always makes pick up fun on the bike! I was just groaning that I had to stand outside in the rain. That was until I felt an arm around me. It was Mrs. Wang telling me hello and wanting to share my umbrella. I was so thankful to see her!

 Because a whole group of Grandmas were discussing me, my belly, our family ect. I could feel the anger that (again) they will not talk to me about these things. When dear Mrs. Wang put her arm over my shoulder. It was like God was saying- stop being angry and just talk to your friend!

"Raining a lot today" I said
"Yes, and I need an umbrella" Mrs. Wang said

Silence....

"So you don't have to pay a fine then." She said to me followed by,
"Will you find out if it is a boy or a girl?"

"No, will not find out -and some hospitals will not tell you the sex at all they are scared you will not want the baby."
(abortions for the 'wrong' sex of baby are very common here and so most hospitals now have rules banning telling you what sex the baby will be) I replied back to her.

"Having three kids is really unheard of in my hometown (Mrs. Wang is not from Shanghai but a nearby city)" she said.

"But even to have two kids you have to pay 50, 000 Yuan (or almost $8,000). If you have three there is no chance for them to have a Hukou" (this is kind of like a Social Security Number- it allows you to be know as a citizen)

Mrs. Wang has two kids- two boys actually. She did not divulge if she had to pay that fine. But she did tell me people sell their homes sometimes so they can pay this fee.

More silence. More rain. Then the gates open.

Mrs. Wang puts her arm around my very pregnant waist and we walk in together under the same umbrella to Miriam's school. My mind if racing with the simple fact that I could have as many children as I want, in any country I want, anytime I want and probably never sell a house, bribe an official or really sacrifice much. And here stands Mrs. Wang who probably gave up more than I will ever know to have a second son and not abort him. In the silence, in the rain as we walked into school together I felt sad for China- but happy for her friendly arm around me in a very strange place like- China.

Mrs, Wang

Hi blog faithful. Sorry there have not been a lot of posts as of late. Blame me- it is hard to find time!

But something happened this week I wanted to record and you all get to read!

As most of you know Miriam attends a local elementary school. The first year at the school was mostly dealing with peoples comments there that a “foreigner” (and yes, they call that name to your face here) attended their school. Most of first grade I fielded daily questions such as…why are you here?....why did you leave America?....is your husband Chinese?....why don’t you have a car?....ect. It was your basic run of the mill- “what in the world is foreigner doing at our school” kind of line of questioning.

Second grade brought with it silence and much local dialect being said about me while I stood there and watched them talk about me. Most people knew the basics about us, so others would share when I walked up. A few brave Moms (but mostly Grandmas) would translate what they were saying into Chinese (from Shanghaiese) so I could know if the facts about me were true! Most people as we waited for our kids to be let off from school (no school bus you pick the kids up on bikes) just stared, some smiles, some blew smoke in my face ( from the cheap
Chinese cigarettes they smoke) but a few friends started to emerge from the smoke. Mostly Moms who knew I needed (a lot) of help to navigate the waters that is Chinese local School. My good friends consist of : Cindy ,Pear Grandma and Mrs. Wang. Cindy rides the bus one hour each way to take her daughter to and from school. She really cares about her daughter- Megan and really is a great friend to me. Pear Grandma thinks when Miraim is sick she should just eat more pears (well, steamed pears actually- she goes into much detail on how to steam them), she scolds me for giving her peanut butter as a snack and in general is really good at telling me what to do. But she helps with the Shanghaiese into Chinese- which I need a lot. She also has great hair- but that is a side note. Lastly, is Mrs. Wang- who loves to wear short shorts, even in the winter. She is my neighbor and helps me sometimes pick up Miriam when I can not.

This year at school, our third, I tried something new. In China you state the obvious when you meet someone. You do not ask “how are you” but instead:…have you eaten….where are you going/where did you go….you look fat…you look skinny…how much did you pay for your bike….etc. Asking these very direct questions feel like nails on a chalkboard sometimes to me. And so, for grade 1 and grade 2 did not ask these questions to my above named friends. I usually waited for them to ask me, or asked- “recently, how have you been”. Cindy would respond well to that one. I never had to say anything to Pear Grandma- as she was also quick to judge something I was already doing! Mrs. Wang has been a tougher nut to crack. Often she is quiet or in a hurry.

But on Tuesday we walked in together . So I asked her “so, have you been busy lately?” she responded with a kind of strange look (at this point I was thinking maybe I should of gone with the “  you look skinny”) and said “no”. So changing to her son, I asked how he was. She responded with “he is at school” and then in the same breath looked at my fast expanded belly and asked me “so, how much fine will you pay”.

Pause here- in the land of one child policy having more than one kid is a big deal. I get daily DAILY did I mention DAILY lectures about the one child policy from perfect strangers on the elevator, when I buy fruit, when I go out period. In addition you can actually have more than one child here if you pay a fine. This is not a fixed amount. It is determined on who you know in the government, and where you live in China. I have heard most fines are 10,000-100,000 yuan. So a big range!

Back to Mrs. Wang. My heart just dropped when she said this to me about the fines. I guess I thought she would not have to lecture me. Or that, she would even me happy for me? (note- no one I meet at school has said they are happy for me. Or congratulations on the new baby. Most gasp , look in horror and ask why would I do this. When I told Cindy I was pregnant again, she asked if I really wanted to be or not.)

When I said no, we do not pay a fine for more babies. She kind of glared at me and said “yeah, you are from America” and walked away. So then I wonder is she mad that I don’t have to pay a fine? Or what? All week this has made me upset.

But then today when I was talking about it with some good friends who have lived here a long time I was given some insights. Mrs. Wang was just talking to me like she would talk to a friend. Very directly, very honest and with no holds barred. I started to think instead of being hurt by her I instead should be honored she would ask such a direct question.

So, that was my culture/language lesson for the week. Direct communication is hard. Direct communication is even harder when Chinese people do it back at you. And don’t look to them for any kind of validation about your life!